I was your typical 2nd grader, I had after school activities, I loved sports (and was pretty good if I say so myself), I had lots of friends and I went to the doctor once a year for my annual check up. That’s it, once a year. I was healthy.
Then 3rd grade came along. I was probably about 20 pounds thinner, judging from pictures that I wish were burned. My annual check up, became a monthly check up. “She’s just a picky eater, its a phase. She’ll gain her weight back asap, just wait!” – my doctor kept telling me and my parents.
My parents believed him.
It’s the summer going into 3rd grade, I’m 30 pounds lighter, I throw up everything I eat or I pretend I’m eating by going to the bathroom to spit it out or put it in a napkin. My annual check up that became monthly check ups are now weekly check ups.
“Why aren’t you people feeding your daughter??”
“She’s so thin I’m shocked child services hasn’t come by”
Two things said by the doctor, he was confused, but didn’t want to come off as confused. To him it was my parents’ fault. Then, another doctor came in. She was nicer, more understanding. She referred me to a hospital.
I lived in the hospital for 10 days. I sobbed and I sobbed and I sobbed.
“If only you ate the rice and chicken we made for you, then you wouldn’t be here” said by my mom.
It was my fault. I did this to myself.
On day 1, I got an NG tube and an IV. On day 2, I got put into machines. On day 3, I got knocked out and a camera apparently went up my butt and another down my throat (I didnt believe them). On day 5, I was told what I gave myself. “Crohn’s Disease.” My parents were confused and shocked: “We don’t have any diseases in our family, how could this happen?”
I felt bad I did this to them, I made their lives so difficult. I wish I knew how to reverse giving myself this “Crohn’s Disease.”
On day 10, I was released. I went home. After day 5 of being back I went to my best friend’s house. She gave me a card and a stuffed bear. Then her brother walked by. “Sorry you went to the hospital, but because of you we can’t eat mac and cheese again today cause we were told we would end up in the hospital too.”
I wish I could go back and just eat everything and anything that was handed to me, I told myself.
I’m now 19 years old, it’s been about 10 hard years of having Crohn’s disease. Some days are great, but to be honest most are awful. I have many stories, many thoughts and many questions. I hope this website will give me that outlet to let everything flow out. Obviously now, I realize I did NOT give myself Crohn’s disease, however it took many years. Resulting in many other issues. 10 Years worth of Crohn’s Disease, 10 years of pain, 10 years of being an IBD warrior.
-I hope you can relate or learn from my stories.
**disclaimer** I do NOT hate my parents for making me think I gave myself Crohn’s Disease.