I know no one ever really wants to be sick. I mean who wakes up in the morning hoping to be hospitalized or excited about their chronic condition? Certainly not me. But for some reason it seems like there a certain times where I am extremely not in the mood.
Sometimes I’m just not in the mood.
I was recently accepted into college. I‘ve transferred schools about 4 to 6 times, but I honestly feel like this move and this major will be just right. I’m changing jobs; soon my insurance will be changing too. I’ve decided that since my new insurance policy will no longer be as comprehensive as my old policies it may be time to get a second job. So me being the overachiever that I am, I decided to get two. Currently, I work full time in healthcare, work part time in a restaurant and part time in a small store. Sounds crazy? Probably because it is.
With all of these life changes going on I really can’t fit anything else on my plate. I don’t have time to go to extra doctor appointments or be hospitalized. I barely have time to sleep!
I have a love-hate relationship with the a hectic lifestyle.
Obviously, I hate it because it can be a lot. Trying to do so much at once can easily become tiring and too time consuming. But I oddly love a hectic lifestyle also. The times when my life is the most crazy are oddly the times when I feel the most normal. Like I can just live. My mind is so occupied with responsibilities and things that need to be done, I often forget about my condition all together. Well, at least until it’s time for a restroom break.
I know I should always make my health a priority, but at times I just don’t want to.
I want to be a normal 25 year old. I want to see a primary care physician once a year and eat junk food, pay my way through college and stay up late at night. When I look back, I honestly do feel like Ulcerative Colitis stole my 20s from me. It’s as if one moment I was in a flare and woke up 5 years and 6 surgeries later. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for the opportunities and people my condition has brought into my life, but it’s also taken a lot from me.
Sometimes I just want a break. A break from doctors, appointments, a break from hospitals and tests. I just wish there was a way people with chronic conditions could be granted a paid vacation that includes 7 days of perfect health. Unfortunately, this is obviously not a thing. I try to remind myself of the good in life and surround myself with good people to promote positivity.
While my health is a priority, so is my happiness.
I don’t want another 5 years to go by and all I have to show for it is surgeries and medical records.